Welcome to Werewolves UnLimited Valuables Security Services Inc.!

Ray the WerewolfMy name is Ray, and I'm the owner and chief security specialist here at WULVS. My crack team of highly-trained and dedicated protection specialists are ready to make sure that all your valuables stay safe and secure at all times. We offer a full range of services and plans to meet your security needs!

We might not look all that scary, but let a bad guy come between us and our client's belongings and it will be a different story! After all, no one wants to get on the bad side of a pack of werewolves or coven of witches or pack of zombies!

Here's what WULVS can do for you!

Ronni the Vampire

Team Page

Ray

Ray is the originator of the unique security concept behind WULVS. As the owner and general manager, Ray is committed to insuring all of your valuables are securely protected in a way that will make you feel secure and the bad guys to be terrified!

Ronni

Ronni is the Assistant Manager of WULVS, and if you said she had a taste for adventure, you'd be right! Ronni is always ready for a challenge, and you can always count on her to be your first line of defense when you need immediate security help!

AI the Alien

Found out back of the shop one day in a glowing orb of molten raspberry jelly, AI can be counted on to provide security that gets the attention of anyone who gets a look at him. His species only sleeps every 25 years, so AI is always available.

Digital Demons

Danielle and Daryl make up our Digital Demon ™ service and they are ferocious in protecting your online identity! You can count on these two to stand guard over your privacy and online transactions at all times!

Moondoggie

Our accountant and bookkeeper is Moondoggie the mummy. Moondoggie has just the right laid-back chill to deal with the many ways our clients can compensate us for our services. Ask about alternative payment methods!

Robbie

Robbie the robot heads up our daytime security services. Even though many of our staff will only work at night, Robbie is always available and on guard when you need him.

The Twins

The Twins present a great face to the public, and when you need a more traditional looking set of guards you can't go wrong with these two! And no one needs to know that they are actually a symbiotic organism from the planet Protisius 4 or the truly weird shape they morph into when they return to their natural state.

Tom G.

Tom G. the zombie is the training manager of our team. Tom G. cranks out a relentless amount of training videos and tutorials and he also counsels our team on proper etiquette when dealing with humans.

Vladimir

Need to bore one of your enemies to death with a long speech about honor, justice, and the heart of a warrior? Vladimir is your "man".  Please note: Vladimir prefers to be called "Vladimir, Prince of Darkness and Lord of the Overworld", but that's a little long for most of us, so we just call him Vlad.

Wendy

Witches are well-known for the ability to cast spells and our girl Wendy has whole cauldrons full of them! Let Wendy work up a little potion that will have just the right effect on that person who is on your last nerve.

Services Page

Our motto is, "Let WULVS protect your stuff with a snarling pack of crazed creatures!" and we sure mean it! Our staff is ready at all times to provide you with the services you need to protect your property, your valuables, and give you all the peace of mind that only moaning zombies and snarling werewolves can provide. Please review our list of available services below and find the one that best meats (oops….sorry), we mean meets your needs.

Service Name

Description

Basic Overnight Security

We’ll provide you with one of our nighttime-only staff members to patrol and/or haunt your property between sunset and sunrise

Round-The-Clock

Our nighttime only staff will see to your security requirements during the hours of darkness, and our daytime employees (AI the Alien, The Twins, Robbie the Robot) will be on duty during the day.

Digital Demon ™ Online Security

Let Danielle and Daryl, our Digital Demons, make sure that you're online identity and all of your digital belongings are safe and sound! Ask about our special Smack On the Back of the Head service that will remind you not to say things you'll regret on social media.

Hauntings

That pesky neighbor or annoying family member will change their ways after a few nights of haunting! You provide the message and we'll be sure they get it loud and clear!

Spells and Potions

Sometimes a little direct action is better than waiting around for things to happen on their own! Let us prepare a potion that will speed things along!
Our Band! Our band is available during the hours of darkness to perform at your wedding, bar mitzvah, or funeral!

Rates Page

Service Name

Price and Payments Accepted

Basic Overnight Security

$100.00 per week. Certain discounts apply based on the availability of the client's neck

Round-The-Clock

$200.00 per week. See note above. Daytime discounts may be applied where the client is able to provide raspberry jam and quantities of wood pulp and motor oil.

Digital Demon ™ Online Security

$5.95 annually. Smack on the Back of the Head service is priced at $0.25 per instance of inappropriate behavior. Payment plans available.

Hauntings

$75.00 per night. Money-back guarantee if the individual does not change the specified behavior.

Spells and Potions

Priced per potion, from $3.95 for basic sneezing spells, to $29,495.00 for guaranteed love potions.

Our Band! Ask about our rates! We won't perform for peanuts, but some tasty treats will always keep us playing long into the night!

Contact Page

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